This piece was originally submitted to Penmasters Administration Gawad Parangal Para Sa Mundo ng Literatura in which I got nominated as Most Promising Writer of 2019. But unfortunately, didn’t win.
This is my revenge story about one of my exes. My ex wrote a novel about us and won awards. I didn’t win but my revenge is already completed. This is my side of the story.
Love. Love is beautiful. Love is sweet. Love is real. Love is pure. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is tender. Love is understanding. Love is sharing. Love is sacrificing your own. Love is free. Love is caring. We all experience it. We all have given it and received it in return. Well, almost all. Love is something we all experience. Love from a mother to her baby. A love from a husband and wife. A love from siblings. A love from a friend. A love from a pet and his or her owner. Love from partners. All kinds of relationships and loves. The degrees and kind. Everybody can experience it. But not each one can recognize or accept it. Because we all have different kinds of love languages. Sometimes we think the other person doesn’t love us. Because he or she is not showing the kind of love language you see, want and prefer. But that doesn’t mean the other person doesn’t love you. They just show a different kind of love language that for them is their language of love. We may pick what kind of love we think we deserve. But that doesn’t mean the other is less or the other has more. Value to it and appreciation are the key difference to each love story we all love to gush over.
But if we will talk about love in the romantic sense, this is one of those stories. But this is based and set from the online world. In which it’s actually happening to each and every guy and lady out here and out there who doesn’t like closing their options to one area. Those who wants to explore and live life to the fullest. No matter what, where, which, how. Just having an open door makes our life worthwhile. But not everyone counts this as a love story and a relationship. But for the people concerned, it is. And it is as awesomely magical as the traditional love most of us
This is the story of Cathy and Saurya. This is a story set in the online world where technology advancements are fastly rising. Where you can possibly find relationships online, in the social
But keep in mind, in the online cyberspace world, not each person is real. Only the person who owns the account knows it.
Cathy is a small fair skinned young woman who lives in the Republic of the Philippines. Interested in the creative storytelling aspect of life. Saurya is a tall brown skin young man who lives in India. Interested in the technical aspect of life. They both live in Asia. One is a Roman Catholic. The other is a Muslim. One is quite liberated. One is quite a little conservative.
2014. Cathy. A freshly graduated college student. She waited for this moment. She is now allowed to have a boyfriend upon the agreement between her and her father.
Cathy is not the shy type nor an aggressive one in the romance department. But she does confess her feelings point blankly. She encountered lots of guys . Some are boys. Some are guys. And some are men. She doesn’t have high standards in terms of her possible boyfriends. Though, she always had the vision of her dream guy. Each and every time, she keeps on meeting these guys that match her dream guy list. They are from the medical field, theater, media production or any too technical industries and jobs. They are taller than her. They are wearing blue when they meet. They have a fair to chocolate brown complexion. They have small eyes. They smell nice. They are nice to each and every person. They can simplify too technical subjects to understandable materials. Cathy doesn’t know how to initiate the process of getting to know them. Because there’s no way to initiate it. It must somehow connect to something before having the flow of the conversation. There must be a connection.
In one stroke of the moment, she felt its time to confess to one of her online friends.
Saurya is a good friend way back 2013. They never met in person. They just talked endlessly. Day and night. As if they are not a sea a part. Saurya already mentioned that he likes Cathy. But never acted on it because of Cathy’s agreement with her father. Saurya courted Cathy for one year. Now, it’s time for them to finally be together. Cathy graduated college. Saurya is still a student. They are happy. They both understand each other. They both gave spaces when they have to.
Then… in one afternoon. It changed.
Cathy broke up with Saurya. Saurya’s ex came back. Trying to patch things up between them. Cathy and Saurya having a long distance relationship; and that ex is with Saurya in their country makes it easier for them to patch things up. Cathy broke it off because Saurya is still furious with his ex after two years.
Cathy believes that a person is really over if that person doesn’t feel any positive or negative emotions. Saurya should feel neutral about his ex girlfriend. Cathy believes if you really love someone, you should set them free. Cathy distanced herself from Saurya to move on despite being so in love with him.
Saurya unfriended Cathy on Facebook. Cathy broke up with him because she wanted him to be happy. She thinks Saurya is much more happier with his ex
Saurya made a book out of all Cathy’s thoughts, ideals, beliefs. He didn’t give Cathy the credit. Cathy is so pissed but didn’t bother talking to him. He might think differently. Even if she wanted to.
Saurya deleted his Facebook account.
2015. Cathy still loves Saurya. She moved mountains just to find him again in which ever way possible. She still loves him. She won’t do it again she tells herself. She’ll be selfish now. She found him on Facebook. But with a different picture and limited info. Right there and then she knew it’s Saurya. She sent out a Friend Request. He accepted after 7 hours. Saurya initiated the conversation. He asked if Cathy can still remember him. Cathy said yes. He asked for the reason of breaking it off with him and Cathy just simply said that because she loves him so much. Saurya denies that he is the real Saurya. But Cathy still insists that he is her ex boyfriend. Saurya couldn’t contain his feelings. He informed Cathy that she got catfished. Cathy knew. But still went on with the relationship. Saurya informed Cathy that he is not the right guy for her. Cathy said she still believes in him and in their relationship. But Saurya said he couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t continue fooling Cathy again and again. Saurya confessed that the picture he used is from a known actor in his country. But without any pauses, Cathy still wants Saurya. Saurya ended things with Cathy.
Saurya deleted his Facebook account after 3 months.
They lose contact.
Cathy didn’t bother doing anything again. She let her heart heal. She thought it’s just one white lie but she discovered it’s a planned lie. Cathy hates liars. But loved one. She didn’t beat herself to it.
She let it as it is. She’s broken but not lost. Clearly it’s a good call.
2016. Cathy installed Tinder. She made a lot of swipes. Boyfriends and all. Heartbreaks and all. Swollen eyes and crushed spirit.
2018. She made some collaborations through Tinder. Made some boyfriends and all as well.
2019. Cathy still on Tinder. But changed it to a platform for collaborations. Lost another boyfriend. Met someone new who accepts her despite not being whole and just got out of a relationship. Cathy being honest and loyal. She immediately informed this new guy. He doesn’t care and mind.
Days later, Cathy who is swiping on Tinder for the sake of work, found Saurya again. Saurya who is now a doctor and surgeon in his country. Saurya is now looking for a travel buddy. When Cathy and Saurya swiped right at the same time, they talked. Exchanged numbers. Saurya knew its Cathy.
Cathy didn’t. Saurya kept messaging Cathy about being friends. Cathy agreed. Cathy asked how it was for him. The travel buddy. He said its going smooth and great. Saurya deleted his Tinder account. And for 24/7 he kept telling Cathy how he wants to be friends with her and how he wanted to be more than friends now. Cathy is seeing somebody else now. Exclusively. One day, Cathy realized its Saurya with a different name but same last name. He aged but he is Saurya. It immediately clicked inside Cathy’s mind while walking to her work office. She got pissed. She questions Saurya’s intentions for coming back and for trying to prove himself and trying to be there for her. She didn’t like it one bit. She let him be. She is not acting all godly nice but trying to message short and precise messages. Sometimes emojis. Just to be human. Saurya wanted her back. Cathy doesn’t know anymore. She just wanted a simple relationship. A not so complicated one but if its given to her, she will accept it. As long as there is trust, honesty, respect, care, love and open communication. But this is a different story. Cathy doesn’t get it why Saurya is coming back. Doing all these. Acting so sweet and thoughtful. She doesn’t want to understand. She’s done doing that with him. Saurya is persistent. He is now real. Except that of he is not telling Cathy that he is Saurya. Her ex. That catfished her. That made her cry. That made her crazy. That made her believe she can love so much that she can do anything. The ex that loved and cared for her family despite not asking them for their permission.
Cathy. Stops using Tinder to swipe for new ones for work.
Cathy. Wants to find love. She wants to give love and receive love.
Cathy just wanted a guy who will include her in his life. Who would understand her.
Cathy has fears despite acting all jolly and cool.
Cathy. Seriously. Stop. Know what is what. This is living thing. Both are guys who have feelings.
Know what is what.
Cathy don’t make it complicated. You are growing old now. It should be clear. Be responsible for yourself. For them.
Cathy. This is your life. Nobody will face and do this life of yours. Only you.
I want to be more than friends.
Cathy just gave emoticons as her response.
Saurya kept messaging Cathy. He wanted her to feel cared for, loved for. He wanted her to feel extra special. Because it is in his attitude in love.
Cathy snap out of it. Saurya is just trying to see if you are his. It’s a trap.
But what if it isn’t. What if this is the love I think I deserve. We all deserve love. No matter who and what we are. We deserve to be happy. For our own. This is not about what they think and say about it. It’s mine.
Am I ready?
Nobody will know for sure.
Am I that willing to give in again? To give it all again? What if it’s a trap but not at the beginning? What if?
I don’t want to live in the world of what ifs. I want to feel and live my life with no regrets and lessons to share.
Yes? No? Maybe?
Cathy. Stop. Please.
Cathy. Stand up. Support yourself. Protect your heart. Be vulnerable but don’t be too stupid. Love but don’t let it consume you. Don’t ever let your heart and soul stop. Believe in love. Fall in love. Stay in love. Fight for love. Fall out of love. And fall in love again up until you finally find the love you think you deserve. Be wide awake. Be vulnerable. Be sensitive. Be careful. Be free. Be crazy. Be stupid. Be. What. You. Want. Give. Share love.
Cathy stop writing your story in this. You shouldn’t share it. What are you doing? What’s your purpose of sharing this story? Is it because he published a novel about you? Is it because he used you for his research? For his experiment? Is this your way of taking revenge? Is this your way of saying that you are now free from the past? Is this your way of saying you are at peace with your past and all set for the present and future? Is this your way of saying that no matter what happens, you are now free regardless and no matter what happens when this takes a big blow again that can affect your present and future? Are you sure? Really sure? Are you ready to risk it all? Because you can still go back and just remain silent about this. We can make it work and let go.
Cathy, are you listening to me?
Cathy, are you ready to pick it all up? All these pieces? Be vulnerable but not stupid. If you repeat this again, it’s now a choice.
But what if he changed? And I didn’t give him a chance. And now, I’m a bad person and what I preach, I didn’t practice and do.
But what if he is at it again?
Look. He removed his picture.
Look. He is trying to block you again. He only appears in your life if he feels to.
Look. You asked him about it and didn’t respond. Is that what you call love?
But, is using Tinder and looking for a travel buddy a little too over the top patient? And now that he finally found me, he deleted his Tinder account and started to pursue me again? What do you call that? Isn’t that patient? Isn’t that what you call perseverance? Isn’t that what you call meeting with faith, fate, destiny and serendipity?
Am I trying to be foolish? Or being judgmental?
Another leap of faith? What if you fall?
What if I fly?
I am her. I. Am. Cathy. You are her. She is her. We are Cathy in each and every one of us who fall in love and fell out of love. Up until we find our perfect match. The one that is not actually perfect for each and everyone. But the perfect match that fitted us so perfectly and magically. The right person in each and every one of us. In the world wherein we hoped, wished and prayed to find out true calling or fate; in the world wherein its so much easier to communicate; to contact anyone around the world, will we really find the one. Where will we find ours? How long will we locate our other whole? Can you see Cathy in you? Can you see Cathy in your life? Can you see Cathy in someone you know or don’t know personally?
Cathy is a real person. This is based from a true story.
A story that you only know but do not know in particular who. Which person owns this story. A complete involvement of each point of views kicking in. A sort kind of having actual noises inside our brains and outside our thinking minds.
Disclaimer: there is an added spice. It’s an incomplete story. For the sake of this story, there are some additional aspects. For background proofs at hand, the Writer/ Author cannot give it anymore due to her previous phone’s pictures got deleted and there are no back up storages
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